when i was 15, i had a boyfriend named brandon. me and bran had great fun, we'd skip school, get high, he'd sneek over at night and we'd stay up all night doing stuff. i was still a virgin tho. it was a lot of fun tho. we dated in secret for a while till one of our friends walked in on us. we had been messing around with each other since the beginig of september that year, but on Nov. 27, 1999 we were officialy a couple. we had so much fun together. but i couldnt have sex, it hurt to bad.

the night of january 27th, 2000. i got a call from brandon. asking me to walk to his house and pick up a note he wrote me. we always did that teenage note exchange, we even shared a locker at school that we'd leave note in for each other. i still had all the notes he ever wrote me, including the one he called me to get on this night, until mike flipped out about when we move in to this apartment, and i had to thro them away.

anyways, i went and got the note. its said im sorry kera, i cheated on you. we are over. i didnt read the note till i got home after picking it up. little did brandon know, i was already haveing a horrible day. my moms boyfriend had been drunk as usual, and told me all sorts of things that 15 year old, no ANYONE, should hear. like i was worthless, my mom didnt want me, i was worthless. and at that point i couldnt take living there, i didnt think i was worthless, but the mental abuse was really getting to me. i got back to my basement room. made some spigetti to eat. went back to my room and started eating... and read the note. i was crushed. it was the straw that broke the camels back. on our 2 month official annaversery. i called my friend margie, told her bran broke up with me while i swallowed about 150-200 tylenol and 20 zoloft. told my friend margie i loved her and that i'd see her later. i never told her what i did. i remember i swalloed the hand fulls of pills with orange soda.

my stomach started hurting. very bad. i was thin, i could feel so many odd lumps in my tummy. i started thinking about my sister and my brother. what would they do with out me? what would they do with out me to protect them from rick, my moms boyfriend? i cant stand to let them cry. i called 911. the lady on the other end was so nice, she talked me into waking up my mom, it was 12 05 AM when i called. my mom told me to go back to bed, i told her no she needed to open the door. she did, i handed her the phone. her eyes went so wide. she turned off the phone picked me up and took me to the kitchen. things went frenzied at that point. my 2 neighbors are EMTs and they herd the call on their scanner and ran over. one, jim, was on call. 1210. the ambulance and polie came to the door, jim carried me out to the ambulance and got in the drivers seat. i lived in the middle of no where. they had about 15 minutes to get me to a hospital, the hospital was about 25-30 minutes away. i remember asking the emt in the back with me for a cigarette. she told me she really wished they could smoke in the back. 12:20, im wheeled out of the ambulance, in the parking lot, and i have about 10 people around me shoving tubes in my mouth, no warning, nothing. i chocked. they pumped my stomach, and i puked every were. i was a mess. it was gross. after about 30 minutes of that, they said they couldnt get everything out, there wernt any soilid pills anymore. they hadnt taken the tube out of me so they shoved 6 bottles of charcol down me. i threw it up, they did it again. once they took the tube out. i couldnt talk, i knew enough sign language to get me by. tho it took them some time to find some one who knew what i was doing lol

a police man came in, telling me my mom was there. he then yelled at me, told me i was stupid, i was selfish i didnt deserve to live basicaly. a couple years later in one of my classes in high school we had a police man come in to talk to us about teen suicide and what resorces we had. he then asked if we had any stories to share. i told mine. he then apologized on behalf of all police and really made me feel better about that. he thanked me for sharing my story. its not hard for me to tlak about what i've been thro. i hope that someone will know what happened to me and change their mind.

after the asshole police left my ER, my mom came in. i couldnt look at her, she just cried and held my hand. i couldnt talk. the doctor came in and took my mom out. i could hear them tho. he said i might not live thro the night, and if i did, i might die in 3 days. they hooked me up to all kinds of monitors. THEN the charcol came out. i was so enbarrassed. my nurse was very cool, he was young, and had long hair. he taught me how to use the machines because when charcol desides to come out, you cant stop it. he really made me feel liked. at the same time i saw he feared that i would die at any moment. every couple hours they took my blood to look at my liver toxins. after 24 hours, they hadnt changed. they changed my diagnosis and said i would probly live. Jim, my neighbor saved my life. he had got me to the hospital fast enough. i have never been able to thank him.


i stayed in the phsych ward for a week, i turned 16 a few days after i got out. i still had to go in for toxin lvl checks once a month for about a year. but i didnt mind. when i got out rick got worse towards me. and i started cutting....but thats another story.